The basics bullied me for my Birks.
A tale of great foot health and less-great footwear trends.
I’ve been known to judge a character by their shoes. Luckily my husband has always been a fan of a practical shoe and has a keen interest in the history of trainer design and construction - you can see where this is going.
My mum instilled this clear moral value and I can hear her voice giving it the signature harsh critique every time I make a footwear decision. By no exaggeration, my heart rate increases when I spy someone squeezing their feet into plastic shoes with no room for their toes.
It’s a baffling decision to make from my perspective - I truly feel that you should be able to scale a cliff in whatever shoes you're wearing. For what reason do we wear shoes other than to assist us in moving our bodies? Don’t get me wrong. I dabbled in a heel or a high street hoof in my uni days, but if i’m entirely honest I spent far too long thinking about other people and not myself in that time and that’s a whole other Substack right there. My point is, we can find style and freedom in shoes that keep our foot health in check.
With that in mind, I don't wear heels. I won’t wear heels. Smart shoe checklist: The cleanest ones that are not trainers.
I like to be one step away from bare feet on the ground, freeing my toes whenever I can.
As a yoga teacher in training, I'm all too aware of the importance of grounding for stability and strength. Spreading those toes to build a foundation for our bodies to move from. Whatever shoe I choose I like to be able to fully extend and move my toes. I want my feet to be hugged by natural materials and allowed to breathe and stretch and bend as they were intended to and not be weighed down by heavy or rigid footwear.
I’m happy to save hard for my shoes. I don’t own many pairs and they work tirelessly for me for years, literally holding me up as I go about my day. There are options out there to buy shoes NEW for less than the price of a bunch of bananas (well, sandals at least) and I don’t know about you but i’m consistently impressed at the value of such fibre rich fruit. There’s a reason you can buy shoes so cheaply these days. Someone somewhere pays the price. I remember the days (i’m only 34, ok) when shoes were an investment. Something you thought at least twice about, not slung into your shopping trolley at Sainos on a whim. School shoes in my house were like gold dust. My dad took my primary school kickers to the cobbler many times to have them restitched - pretty sure they were still too small at this point but hey, i’m one of four and there’s no judgement there. I’m riding that school shoe wave now myself and even with half the amount of feet to cover it’s a stormy sea to navigate. (My parents started their respective careers as navigating officers in the merchant navy so in hindsight they were more than qualified than me for the role).
Fakes! The fakes are a wind up in themselves. A huge issue I have (I know, I know) is when crap fast fashion brands make copies of iconic designs (not just shoes, for the record). If I see another rip-off Birkenstock boston in the queue for the self checkout I’m going to spill my pretentious gut-health drink on them. It completely undermines the point of the Birkenstock itself. People thought they were ugly, right? They were designed as orthopedic shoes, very uncool until Kate Moss slipped a pair of Arizona’s on for The Face mag in the 90’s and it all kicked off for Birks.
And yet, here we are now making synthetic versions on poor quality footbeds with slim fitting profiles, so that people can LOOK like they’re wearing orthopedic shoes but are in actual fact supporting fast fashion, plastic consumption and exploitation in the process of saving themselves a few quid. I’m proud to hold my hand up and say I was bullied at school for wearing matt black leather Birkenstock bostons with a vibram sole as my shoe of CHOICE. I saw one of said bullies at the gym at the weekend and registered the irony that they were wearing barefoot shoes (as was I, obviously) to lift weights. More on that shortly.
Whilst we’re here, there is nothing worse than reproduction vintage/retro trainers. I can’t abide the concept of trainers being sat in landfill from the 90’s and all of a sudden trainer brands are whipping up a straight copy of lesser quality in the name of fashion. Sympathy for that 80’s trainer, laying there soggy and idle, not even degrading, just staring up as more replicas of itself are launched on top of them. Smothered by a shit version of yourself is a hell of a way to go.
It’s a segue, but the poly pastel legging/poly puffer coat/white tube sock/fake running shoe contingent are giving nothing. There is no vibe, maybe that’s the key issue here. In fact, I was sitting behind one of these aliens at my fave coffee shop yesterday and I genuinely couldn’t believe my eyes as I registered, a few metres behind, someone wearing the exact same shoes. Not similar, exactly the same. I obviously took to google immediately and came across a handy guide creatively named ‘how to tell if my ASICS are fake?’. So people don’t even know. They’re buying the crap version of the fashion item (which they don’t even know why they’re buying btw) and then they’re having to double check if it’s a legit purchase or not. What is going on mate?
So then we’re hit with the inevitable - the quality of the original product drops because the brand needs to reduce the price to match its new fake competitors. Case in point: I had a pair of Teva’s about 15 years ago. Bloody loved those things. One fateful camping trip on a cliff edge in west Wight, the fabric finally bust beyond repair and I had to face the cruel reality that a replacement was in order. Not a comfortable decision for me as I'm sure we can all imagine. New Teva’s arrived, wore them for a couple of bitter weeks (they would never compare would they?!) and then the sole and footbed separated. To rub salt into the wound I tripped over in the street and dent my water bottle in the process of this discovery. The water bottle? Your interest is piqued I can tell. Edge of seat situation because that’s one for another time. It’s a bit Trigger n’ the broom and if you don’t know that analogy what are you doing here? Maintenance.
Up for discussion here is also what my mate Hannah and I consider a clear sign that an iconic brand is taking a nosedive: A platform version of the classic shoe. We’ve all seen them. Han recently mentioned after a trip to London that she had spotted an obscene amount of platform UGG clogs. Stop it.
So I've been waxing and you’ve probably had enough of the fiery language too. Can you tell I'm passionate about this particular subject? I’ve done a shoe round up and for those inevitably asking, yes, this is ALL of the shoes that I own. Inventory as follows:
Kicking off with the ‘barefoot’ category -
VivoBarefoot Knits - Gym shoes - weight only.
VivoBarefoot Gobi Boots - Mid season special or stick a thermal insole in there.
Altra Timp - Running and walking. Ultimate wide foot comfort.
Vivo Barefoot Sensus Yin Slide - My newest addition to the shelf and have been wearing with socks so far. It’s only March you guys.
And if you’re not quite ready to embrace the barefoot look:
Keen Uneek - Fast becoming a fashion shoe but ultimately the best sock/sandal gateway.
Mont Bell Sock on sandals - I’ve done a full summer in these. They passed the rock pool test and I can fit them inside the bar bag on my bike so it’s a seal of approval.
Birkenstock Arizona - These are on their way out. I’ve been known to resole a Birk in the past. It’s actually pretty affordable and can keep them going for far longer than the average.
Blundstone 587 - Another fashion shoe. These are high risk for the platform treatment. Don’t worry gang, i’ve got my eye on the ball.
Crocs classic clog - These garden dwellers (key point, NOT a shoe for walking) have been doing ‘nip’ jobs with me for donkey’s years. Not as it sounds, my friends. A nip job is categorised as the following: Nipping out to get the washing in, nipping over to Pats to drop off some veg, nipping down to the garage, nipping out to the car etc. Crocs are the ultimate nippers but that’s it in terms of acceptable distance travelled.
NB* I’ve also owned Saltwater sandals in the past and I have to say they are a great option for all of the above requirements, though not currently in the concise collection.
As I wrote out the above list, I realised that it’s a visual representation of my approach to dressing myself, in shoe form: Style, but look after yourself babe!